Why Does God Want Wives to Obey Their Husbands?

There are a lot of women beginning to realize that God has called them to something different. They are realizing that they are distinct from men. God has a special calling for women. Women are *not* men. Women should not live like they are men. There is a revival of Biblical womanhood these days. And praise God for it!

This article is not an argument about whether or not God actually *does* differentiate between men and women. Perhaps I will get to that some day in the future. Coming into this article, we will assume that God does indeed treat women differently than men.

When I began discovering that God had different rules for women, I was shocked. Why would God treat me differently than a man? Is God prejudiced? Is it that God is male, and therefore favors men over women? The kinds of things I was reading, made me wonder. God says things like, “submit,” “learn in quietness and full submission,” “I shall not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man,” “women are to dress modestly,” etc.

Of course, it was the Bible. So it had to be true. But what did that mean about the God I chose to serve? Was I serving a sexist tyrant? Of course, I didn’t pursue that line of thinking too long. If God was a sexist tyrant, I wouldn’t want to make Him mad. I just couldn’t get over why a God who professes in His Word to love me, would want to degrade me, by making me obey a man. Why would God give only men the status of teachers and elders? Why would the woman have to be the silent one? But this was God’s Word and so it was true. And I would obey Him. For He is God! Who would refuse to obey the God who holds your eternal life in His hands? And so the question, “Why?” was buried deep and I chose to forget about it. It was not a question to be asked.

And here I am. About nine years later. And I am daring to do what I would not do before. I asked God the question. “Why?” But this time I understand Him more. This time I am more sure of His love. I understand His Word better.

My thinking on issues has changed. I do not regard submission as degrading. I do not consider silence and modesty as demeaning. This was an important step to overcome. Jesus was submissive. Jesus submitted to His Father. He obeyed His every wish. Jesus took upon Himself the life of a servant. He left His place of perfect beauty and sinlessness to come to earth and serve us. He came to serve me. And for His service, He was rewarded with great honor and glory. If Jesus did not find it too degrading to be a servant, then I should not either. I realized it was only pride that I had to lose.

So now my question was no longer filled with anger. My question was merely inquisitive. Why does God want me to be different than men? Why do women have a different calling? Why are women to be submissive? Why are they not allowed to be elders? Why such a focus on the Patriarchs? Where were the Matriarchs in Biblical history? Why was Moses a man and not a woman? Why was God’s covenant with Abraham and not with Sarah? Why did God make man and then woman? Why was she made to be his helper? Why not equal partners? Why do women have the subservient role?

I asked God the question. God gave the answer. He continues to renew my thinking on it every day. I am still learning and understanding more and more the answer to my question. Even as I write today, I don’t have it all. But what I have been given, I will share with you.

Once upon a time, there was a man. The man needed a wife. So his father went about finding for him a wife. When he found the woman, he brought her to the man. They were married and he loved her very much.

But she was not faithful to the man. She let her heart be deceived. She went about searching for someone else. She became so desperate to be with someone else, that she offered herself to whoever would take her. She became so lonely, she even went to the extent of paying people to sleep with her. And they did. They used her over and over. They beat her. They said cruel things and broke her heart. And yet she despised her husband because he was faithful, and clung to her own unfaithfulness.

The man knew that she was not happy. He knew that her unfaithfulness is what brought her such misery. So he went to find her to free her. When he found her, in her sin, he forgave her and brought her home with him. But again and again, she left him to return to the dark streets, to the dark men who would abuse her and rape her.

Finally, the man knew what had to be done. He prepared himself, and went out into the cold, dark streets, looking for his wife. He knew where she would be. She would be in the darkest places, giving herself away to everyone but him. And he knew that she would again be enslaved to her own sin and the men that held her there.

She was where he expected her to be. All about her were the men who used her and beat her. The men looked at him and laughed. What did the man think he was going to do? Did he think he could take their precious whore away from them without a fight? Did he actually think he would win?

The fight was dirty. They didn’t fight fair. But the man would not lose this fight. He was fighting for his wife. His wife was worth whatever it cost. He shouted out to her, “Run! I will return for you.”

His words seemed to drive in her a burning desire to obey him. She wanted to be with him, after all. She wanted to be his wife. And so she ran. She ran home while her husband fought for her.

The man fought all night. And in the end, each man was conquered. But it didn’t come easy. The cost for him was great. But his wife had been saved. She was his. He would return for her. With his final breath, he said, “It is finished.”

And now she waits. She knows he will come back for her. She knows now how much he loved her. And because of his love, she loves him. She prepares herself for him as she waits. She is becoming more and more beautiful as time goes by.

Someday soon the man will return for his wife. They will pledge themselves to one another as they did in the beginning of their marriage. But this time it will be different. She is not the same woman she was then. She is pure now, because of his love and forgiveness. His love has cleansed her and made her beautiful. She will no longer walk the dark, dirty streets. But instead, she will walk arm in arm with her husband, upon the streets of gold.

And they will live happily ever after.

As you have probably guessed, Jesus is the man. The Church is the woman. The Bible says that the Church is the bride of Christ. In some ways, we are living out this story. Right now, the Church is waiting for her Husband to return and bring her home.

Marriage is a picture. One very important reason that marriage exists is to tell the story about Jesus and His Bride. We, who are married, are living out a picture. Our husbands get to play a role and so do we. This picture we paint for everyone to see. When the world sees this picture, they see Jesus and His Church. This is a very important thing that we do. It is important that we do it right. We are the light of the world. How will the world see, if our light is not burning? We need to play the roles as God has said.

What are the roles? Our husbands get to play the part of Jesus. This is the part we women need to stop and think about that. Our husbands are called by God to play the part, to express to the world, to show, to paint a picture for all to see, of Jesus. Jesus who gave up everything for his Wife. Jesus, who was never unfaithful, who sacrificed his own desires for his Bride. And our husbands get to play that part. Don’t you feel a little pity for them? How are they supposed to do that?

That’s where our role becomes important. We get to play the part of the Church, the Bride of Christ. The Church submits to Jesus. What do we do each Sunday? Don’t we go to worship God? Don’t we praise Jesus? Don’t we call Him ‘master’ and ‘lord?’ We obey His Word, because we belong to Him. And He is Head over us. This is the role we play. It is our job, as wives, to paint the picture, to tell the story, of the Church, who submits her Lord.

This calling is not a low one. But a great one. As we obey God, by obeying our husbands, we proclaim Truth to the world. We need not hand out tracts, or go knocking door to door. We don’t need to come up with catch phrases or wear silly t-shirts. Our greatest evangelism as wives, to the world, and even to our own unsaved husbands, will be our submission. For this is the high-calling role God has called you to.

Now, we live in a fallen world. Not all of our husbands will play their role. Just as not all of us wives will play ours. It is not an excuse for us, if our husbands are unbelievers, to forgo our role. Neither is it an excuse, if our husbands do believe, and yet do not lead and sacrifice as Jesus did. Whether or not your husband plays his role, you are still responsible to play yours. But rest assured, God will bless your faithfulness.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling his lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” 1 Peter 3:1-6

There isn’t a single Christian woman that I’ve met who didn’t want her husband to love the Lord. Many women will go to great lengths to try to evangelize their husbands. They try to convince them by logic, my emotional manipulation, by guilt, and more. This passage of Scripture tells women of unbelieving husbands where to put their efforts. They are not to put their hope in other means. The greatest single way a woman tells her husband about Jesus, is by acting like the Church. Submission and respectful behavior, and a gentle and quiet spirit, will say far more to him than anything else you could ever say or do.

Now just because we play our roles, does not necessarily mean that all unbelieving husbands will repent and become Christians. It also does not mean that people will be lining up at your door asking about how they can become a Christian. Remember, we are followers of Jesus. What did they do to Jesus? What will they do to us, if we follow in His footsteps?

Just as many saw and heard about Jesus, and became Christians, your witness will draw those whom Jesus has called. But just as Jesus was persecuted and killed, you being His follower, proclaiming His truth, will be persecuted also. The louder we shout the Truth, the more people will repent and the more people will persecute us. But this is what we are called to as Christians.

Why do you think so many women get so angry about the word, “submission?” Why are there so many women trying to be like men? Why is feminism flourishing in our culture today? Why is unisex so appealing? It all comes back to the very first sin.

In the beginning, Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil because they believed that they would become like God. When women lead instead of submit, they say, “I am God.” Women are to be the picture of the submissive Church. If women are playing the part of the man, they are playing the part of Jesus. When a woman refuses to submit, and instead chooses to lead, she paints her own picture about the relationship between Christ and His Church. She says, “The Church is head over Jesus.”

Women hate the word “submission” because they love the sin of our mother, Eve. We desire to eat from the same tree. We think we will become like God. The more we blur the line between sexes, the more freedom we have to be like men. And therefore blaspheme the Word of God. This is the reason the Bible says,

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”

Titus 2:3-5

What we do reflects the name of God and His Bride. If we are off gallivanting, pursuing selfish desires that have nothing to do with our husbands, what does this say about the Church? Should the Church be pursuing it’s own thing apart from Jesus?

What if we are not teaching our children the ways of God? What if we are expecting someone else to do it for us? What if we are too busy doing other things that we enjoy more? Other things that ‘fulfill’ us? This says that the Church is too busy doing other things that it finds more fulfilling to teach the children of God.

What if we do not love our husbands and our children? What if we are too wrapped up in taking care of number one? This paints the picture that the Church cares more about itself, how it looks, how much money it has, etc, than about Jesus or about the children of God.

What if we are not sensible and pure? What if we do what we darn well please, because we deserve it don’t we? Purity is old-fashioned, anyway. What if we just dress for success or dress for the good feeling attention we get. That says that the Church cares more about looking good, about feeling good, than about being beautiful to Jesus.

What if we are out pursuing a career, because it’s what we’ve always wanted to do? What if we let our husbands take care of themselves (they are grown men aren’t they?) and let the government take care of the kids because we want to feel like we did something worthwhile? What if we leave early in the morning and come home late? What if we never see our children and never spend real quality time with our husbands, because we are just so busy? Doesn’t that say that the Church is too busy doing other things to care about what’s going on at “home?” Doesn’t it say that the Church doesn’t really know the members, her children? Or that she doesn’t know her Husband, Jesus?

What if we are unsubmissive? What if we decide it’s degrading and we don’t want to be forced to live that "old-fashioned lifestyle?" What if we demand that we are educated, liberated women and deserve more respect than that? What if we say, we absolutely will not bend a knee to our husbands and serve them? Doesn’t that say that the Church is absolutely unwilling to acknowledge Jesus as her Master and Lord? Doesn’t that say that she will not take seriously His Word, the Bible, and live for Him and His sake?

It’s sad. All of the things that I said that we would be saying about the Church is the way the Church currently is. Isn’t the Church too busy? Does the Church really care to teach the people? Does the Church really take care of its own? Does the Church feed the poor and the sick and the widow? Or does she leave them to the government? Does the Church really read the Word of God? Does the Church really obey it? You have to ask the final question. Does the Church really love Jesus at all?

The Church and women are connected somehow. A way I cannot explain. Is it that women are not obeying their calling because the Church is failing to obey Hers? Or is it that the Church is failing to obey Her calling because women are refusing to obey theirs? It’s probably both.

But I have hope. God says He will preserve His Church to the end. I see God creating a revival among men and women. They are beginning to see that God has a great plan. It involves men leading their homes, in love, sacrificing as Jesus did, to sanctify their wives. It involves women, submitting themselves and respecting their husbands. Being keepers at home. Loving their children.

Do you know what this means? If women start playing their role, the Church will also. For in a strange way, we are one. If we women, submit to our husbands, love our children, and care for our homes, the Church will love Jesus, teach and love the children of the Church, and take care of all within. We have a great, high-calling.

Why does God want women to be submissive, gentle, quiet, keepers at home? Because His Bride is a submissive, gentle, quiet, keeper of Her home. And Her home is His home. So let us wives take heart to pray that God will give us the strength and wisdom that we need to play this part and proclaim His Truth to the World. And let us also be helpers to our husbands in their great and high-calling as well.