We Don't Need To Obey, Just Submit!

Sounds crazy, huh? Time and again, I hear from ladies, "We don't need to obey our husbands, we just have to submit." What's that supposed to mean?

So I did a little study on the words Submit and Obey.

Webster-Merriam Online Dictionary says this:

obey-
1 : to follow the commands or guidance of

submit-
1 a : to yield to governance or authority
1 a : to yield oneself to the authority or will of another : SURRENDER b : to permit oneself to be subjected to something

2 : to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another
synonym see YIELD

There is a bit of a difference between obey and submit. Obey means to follow the command of one in authority. Submit means to yield yourself to ones authority. To yield or submit is to give up, not fight, to surrender, or obey. The difference is slight. Obey is the actual following of directions, submitting is not merely following directions, but doing so in a way that is gracious, humble, and respectful.

In some ways, obedience calls for less than submission. Obedience is a military term. I say you must do A...you obey and do A. It doesn't speak to the heart. It doesn't matter if you are okay with A or not. It doesn't matter if you are huffy...if you did A...you obeyed. It is simply doing what you are told.

Submission is more. Submission is obedience and yielding. Submission is a word about the heart. The heart should not be fighting. It should yield. The heart should be at peace and not looking for loopholes.

Let's look at the Bible and see where the words "obey" and "submit" are used.

children obey parents in the Lord...Ephesians 6:1

Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord; 1 Peter 3:6

The word "obey" here is the same word. It is 5219 in Strong's Concordance and means:

1. to listen, to harken
1. of one who on the knock at the door comes to listen who it is, (the duty of a porter)
2. to harken to a command
1. to obey, be obedient to, submit to

It will be noted here that the same word that is used to instruct children to obey their parents is also used where Sarah is concerned. Sarah obeyed Abraham. And this was good. She is an example to us. We are to be like Sarah, who obeyed her husband. We are instructed to do likewise.

So for those women who hold to (as I once did) the claim that God said wives are to submit but not obey... Sorry, ladies, here it is. We are to obey like Sarah did. We are to hear the commands of our husbands and obey them.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7

wives submit yourselves
Colossians 3:18

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands...
1 Peter 3:1

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24

To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:5

The word submit and obedient in the above verses are all the same. They are the word Hupotasso, 5293 in Strong's. It means:

# to arrange under, to subordinate
# to subject, put in subjection
# to subject one's self, obey
# to submit to one's control
# to yield to one's admonition or advice
# to obey, be subject

I think we should note the first verse... Submit yourselves therefore to God... No one argues whether or not we obey God, right?

Just because it says "submit" in one place, doesn't rule out obedience. In fact, look at the definition above. Submit means to yield and obey. Submit is an active term that includes obedience with a yielding heart.

So, the word Submit does not require less of us than obey. In fact, it requires more. We are to willingly, with a good attitude, yield to our husbands, giving them the authority in the home, without fighting them. We are to have good attitudes while we obey.

Now, for the disclaimer that is always necessary at the end of these. Because we are still women who do not submit, but our hearts continually are unyielding, desiring the rule of the home, searching for loopholes, as is the curse of Eve...

We do not obey something that is a sin. We don't obey mindlessly. We are called to be wise helpers. We DO have an opinion. We DO offer advice or speak out to our husbands about unwise or ungodly decisions. We are to speak respectfully, yielding in our hearts to his authority, not fighting him with nagging, tears, and manipulations. But speaking gently, kindly in order to honor him and our God.

Obedience is different than submission. It is possible to submit and not obey. If your husband told you to sin, and you had to respectfully disobey, you could still be submitting without obeying the sin. Submission is more than obedience. It is a state of your heart. We are called to have submissive attitudes.

So, there it is, ladies. We don't need to just obey....we need to submit.

Taking That Nasty Tasting Medicine

Being a wife and mother is hard. I lie here in bed having just had my fifth child. He is lying next to me all tired out from being born. He's only three days old. I stare at him in awe. Where did this precious little guy come from? His new skin is so soft and smooth. His steady sleepy breathing captivates me. He has that new baby smell. That mix of baby bath soap and baby powder. He is so tiny and precious. I love my new son. And that scares me.

What if God decides that I need to lose him? What if he gets sick and dies? What if he is hit by a car when he is ten? What if I fail as a mother and he decides to hate me? What if I don't teach him well and he turns away from Jesus?

Having children is a hard thing to do. Having faith and trust in God is even harder. The "what-ifs" go racing through my mind. I am afraid. It's not just limited to mothering. I am afraid of many things. I wonder if my husband will decide after five kids that this whole father and husband thing is getting old. I worry that he may decide he doesn't like my body now that it has borne five kids and looks like it. I worry he will think I've become mundane and boring. I wonder what he would do if some young, sexy, energetic woman took an interest in him. What would I do? Would I trust in God or would I become bitter with Him? Would I turn away?

I am a fearful person. I don't trust God the way I should. I pray and I try, and sometimes I do well. Sometimes I trust Him. Then other times He will test me and I fail. I fail miserably. I repent and try again.

I think a lot of women live in fear. We are afraid of everything. But God says that He loves us and we are not to fear. He says that He loves me --specifically. And He loves you --specifically. If He loves us, we needn't fear anything. Everything that happens is from God and He loves me.

Sometimes I have to do mean things to my kids. I've had to hold down my son's hands and shove nasty tasting medicine down his throat. I've made the kids eat food that they were sure was the most disgusting thing they had ever seen. I've taken away toys that they were fighting over. I've corrected, scolded, and disciplined. I am a mean mom because my kids don't always get what they want. Instead, I give them what they need. Sometimes what they need is not pleasant.

My Father gives me what I need. Sometimes it is wonderful. He has given me rest, love, joy, and peace. He has sent food when we were without. He gave money when we were a bit short of it. What I never like is when my Father thinks I need to learn something new. Which will be a great opportunity to see if I trust my Father's love or become afraid.

The Bible says we are not to fear or worry. If I do not fear, it doesn't mean that I believe that God won't let bad things happen to me. Not fearing is believing that all things that happen to me are good - because all things come from God. And my God loves me.

My three day old son may get sick and die. My husband may suddenly decide that he wasn't cut out to be a father of five and a husband to a fat woman. But I don't need to be afraid of these things. If these things happen, it is like God is holding down my hands and shoving nasty medicine down my throat. I don't like it. It doesn't taste good. It doesn't feel good. But it is good. It is good because it is from my Father who loves me.

The Bible says "that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Life is hard. Some people's lives seem harder than others. Some of us have lost children, husbands, parents, and good friends. Some never had them. Some wish they didn't have the ones that they have. But when we hold onto the promises that God is in control and loves us, we need not fear. All things are from God. All things work together for good for those who love God. God will give us the strength we need to handle whatever He brings our way at the time that we need it. We need not fear the future. We put our trust in God's love and sovereign power.

If He decides we need to take some nasty tasting medicine, He will also provide the water to chase it with.

Feed Me Questions

I began writing my book, in part, because I am so very tired of there being nothing written to young urban women. Every time I pick up a book about godly mothering or being a godly wife it has some Victorian woman on the front or a prairie scene. While there is nothing wrong with being a farmer or enjoying victorian styles, it bothers me that this is so closely associated with being a godly woman. It leaves no room for the urban woman to remain urban and yet be godly.

I grew up in the city. I minister to women in the city. Though I am young, God has brought women into my life that need to be taught. For some reason, there is no one else to teach them. And so, though I am young, I do my best for God.

My ministry is to Christian women who may be lost, abused, alcoholic, drug-addicted, poor, criminal, forgotten, lonely, and struggling. Which means I can't hand them a book with a farmer on the front and tell them, "God wants you to be like this..." God wants the single mother of young children, on welfare, struggling to stay sober, to buy a farm? The books that are out there don't deal with issues like:

"Do you submit to a man who is beating you?"

"How do you respect the man who is a jerk?"

"What do you do if your husband wants you to sin?"

"What if my husband likes it when I wear skanky clothes?"

"How do I teach my child what God says when I haven't lived it the first 10 years of his/her life?"

"I divorced my husband because he was a lazy jerk. Can I remarry?"

"How am I supposed to be a keeper at home when I have two children and no husband?"

"Does a godly wife have to have only gentle, quiet sex?"

"What if my husband wants me to work?"

"What if my husband won't work? Should I get a job?"

"I think my husband might be seeing another woman. What do I do?"

I would love some feedback. Please send me the questions that bother you. What do you want answers to? Though I won't be able to answer them here and now, it will help me write my book. Thanks.

The Girl of Your Dreams: A Link

This article is actually written to young, single men, but included in this article is a great story about Jesus and His girl (the Church). It really brings Ezekiel 16 into a modern day understanding. Warning: Those easily offended or children may not want to follow this link. The story is harsh and explicit. You know...kind of like the Bible in Ezekiel 16.

The Girl of Your Dreams by Joshua Gibbs

Divorce

We live in a culture where adultery and divorce are normal. Everyone divorces. I have yet to meet a person who has not been touched by divorce in some way. It is so normal, we don’t think much of it. It’s like the weather. It’s something that happens. We have no control over it. Sometimes it’s sunny. Sometimes it storms. Sometimes people divorce. It’s too bad. But it will pass and sunny days come again. Adultery and divorce do not shake us like they should.

As we look into this next section, we need to first understand what the Bible says about adultery and divorce. Since we are so numb to it, we do not see how evil it is. Let’s read some Scripture to see what God has to say about it.

“ ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel…” Malachi 2:16a

"Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” Matthew 5:31-32

“And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9

“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” 1 Corinthians 7:15

God says that He hates divorce. That should make us stop and consider. Before we immediately proceed to the exceptions and hold on to them in order to justify divorce, we need to take a serious look at this first Scripture. It matters. God hates divorce. God doesn’t say that He merely prefers that you do not divorce. He says, He hates divorce. Before anything else, we need to remember that the God we love and serve hates it when we divorce.

However, God does allow divorce. There are only two reasons a woman may divorce her husband. First, if her husband commits adultery. She is then free to divorce him and remarry. He may not. In addition, anyone who marries this man will be sinning also. The second, if the husband decides to leave her, she is free. If she has not committed adultery, but he has left her, then she may freely remarry. But he may not.

The Bible is fairly clear about divorce. God hates divorce. There is no divorce allowed except when a spouse commits adultery or decides to leave the faithful partner. Though the Bible is clear about divorce, there are still many questions.

What if he is abusive? What if he neglects me? What if he tries to get me to sin all the time? What if he is demanding and controlling? What if he is lazy and will not support me? There are lots of questions that many hurting women have. They are good, legitimate questions. The Bible has answers for all these questions too. We will go into them in more detail in later chapters. Please be patient. We’ll get there.